My full-time working life began the Monday after I completed high school. I was nineteen years old. A few weeks before the end of school, I started an intensive job search not knowing at all what kind of work I would end up doing. My accounting teacher, who believed in me, sent me on a couple of job interviews. I had signed up with an employment agency as well. I went to three job interviews and got three offers to work as a bookkeeper, a clerk in an insurance company, and a secretary for a drafting firm. I chose the bookkeeper's job for many reasons, but primarily because I enjoyed accounting better than secretarial work and the bookkeeping position was with the smallest of the three firms, something I valued. The firm had a staff of seven, including two part-time people.

The manager of that firm was a man who had emigrated to Canada from Europe in the mid 1960s. Since I was a fresh immigrant, in Canada for about 5 years, we had a chance to compare notes. He mentioned that he really missed his home country and that some of his relatives were still there. He missed the countryside, as well as his favourite foods. I missed my extended family, the warm climate, the beautiful beaches of my much-loved Atlantic Ocean, and some special delicacies.

The manager was a quiet, shy and modest man. He was a person of integrity. In some circles he would be called a man of honour in that you could trust and depend on him when he gave his word.

Over the years my personal situation changed from being a single young woman living with my parents, to being married and a few years later giving birth to my daughter, to becoming a single parent. Through all those roller coaster years he silently supported me. He was such a reserved person that he would not ask directly about my welfare but would ask my co-workers. He cared about the well-being of all the employees. After his secretary had retired he would phone her and take her out to lunch. He would also remember her at Christmas time. Another secretary suffered a stroke two weeks after she retired and he went to visit her at the hospital and later at home.

I have vivid memories of this gentle man. In one of these he comes by my office after my brother's death to tell me he is sorry that he did not go to the funeral home. He mentions that on his way home to pick up his wife, he had a flat tire. He later attended the funeral and he brought some of my co-workers along with him.

Another memory involves the long-standing joke we shared about how each of us would spend our retirement with our families. We always kidded each other about it. He was a very private man who respected his clients and that in turn was reciprocated. He also participated in charity events and always kept a low profile. He had a wonderful family, a wife and two lovely children he was very proud of. About seventeen years after he hired me he died after a courageous battle with a terminal illness. He was only fifty-one. The firm had grown tremendously and now had a staff of about forty-five.

My theory with respect to his illness was that he had difficulty accepting that the firm was changing and that his quiet and shy nature did not quite fit in with the office's new style. I strongly believe that he could not compromise his values. I have observed in my working life that in public, some leaders are deceitful in that they wear a virtuous mask but that behind closed doors they become backstabbing thugs. I will always remember the last time I saw him. He came to visit the office and I asked him how he was feeling. His response was that "the cure was worse than the illness".

The last twelve years of my working life since this mentor passed away have been a revelation to me. I have experienced the management style of other individuals and one in particular stands-out. This individual was completely unenlightened and appeared to enjoy the act of humiliated me. I was striving to realize my full potential but he would question me on who I thought I was with my lofty ideas. He could not imagine a
woman, an immigrant woman, with English as a second language daring to rise from the ranks. On the other hand, he enjoyed grooming young men as future leaders, according to his ideals. He was charismatic and the young men felt that if he had selected them, they had made it. My experience of this man is that he believed that privileged positions of authority or power (with titles) should go to Canadian-born English speaking white males.

This man expressed an astonishing lack of respect for me. Once during a conversation he told me that if I ever quoted him, he would deny ever saying what he had just said.

Sometimes what is said in the guise of light-hearted banter is really a way to express hatred and discrimination. Many women have endured hatred throughout history by being treated like slaves, servants and sex objects at the hand of some narrow-minded men in positions of leadership. To this day, these so-called leaders believe that females do not need to be mentored to grow because most women don't hope for better jobs or aspire to move beyond their entry-level support positions. And, that they really enjoy their work, always assisting with an unquestioning smile and preferably wearing short skirts, or a revealing necklines, or tight pants.

In comparing these two approaches to management, it is clear that I prefer my European manager's leadership style. He dealt with all people fairly and humanely. What mattered to him was not their gender, skin colour or native tongue but their true capacity and potential, as well as their integrity as human beings. He truly enjoyed making a connection with people, and was always welcoming and receptive in the exchange.

I will always carry in my soul my relationship with this mentor. He actually saw me as a whole person and acknowledged all my potential and capacity for growth, as well as my weaknesses. He did not think that it was detrimental to my development that I was a woman who was not part of the ruling/ domineering culture. He actually enjoyed the richness that my background had to offer. I will forever be grateful for his kindness and insight into the human struggle. I strongly believe that he helped me get settled and grow roots in this country by offering me an opportunity and for supporting me in my endeavours. He actually offered me a lifeline.

It was quite the opposite with the other individual who essentially tried to rob me of some of my life force by oppression, humiliation and making me believe that there was no room for my voice or growth of my potential. By acknowledging the mentorship of my European manager and of other caring leaders who supported my struggles along the way, and through my ongoing in -depth exploration with my Esprit companions, I continue to expand and grow both personally and professionally. I'm gradually learning how to integrate our human struggle into my daily life.